Using Internal Validation as a Form of Self-Love
Self love – using internal validation as a form of self love
There are countless ways to engage in self love. One completely cost free way to engage in self love is to provide consistent, daily internal validation that is positive and person focused. While external validation can be nice, self love demands we validate ourselves. Consciously choosing this habit each day brings kindness and love to your spirit and your soul.
External validation is validation that comes from others. It can be positive or negative. For example, your boss may tell you, “Nice job on that presentation today.” But you may also hear, “Your presentation should have been shorter. I was so bored I almost fell asleep.” The former validates your work, and the good job that you did. The latter validates that niggling voice in the back of your mind that sometimes tells you are not good enough.
There are a couple of problems with relying exclusively on external validation. First, no one exclusively receives positive external validation. Negative external validation can feed doubts and demons, even when these shouldn’t actually be fed. Negative external validation is based on someone else’s opinion, and is likely influenced by the speaker’s mood at any given moment. Consequently, you have the double blow of a person who is not feeling good about themselves, spreading hurt to others.
The other problem with external validation is that you cannot control the types or amounts of external validation that you receive. “Nothing of course is ever enough when you’re trying to seek external validation,” says Lauren Wardell, a spiritual lifestyle strategist and Just Stay Curious guest.
Self love and internal validation
Practicing self love is critical to living a peaceful, well centered life. This means, in part, providing your own validation of self. Validating your value, validating your worth, is critical. As women in particular, we tend to put ourselves last. Just for today, may I encourage you to provide positive validation for yourself?
What does positive internal validation look like?
Internal validation is a very powerful process that you can do in the morning before you get out of bed, while driving to work, or even as you wash your hands throughout the day. It’s not important when you do internal validation, it’s only important that you do internal validation. Internal validation is when you select things about yourself that you value, and reminding yourself of them. Examples of internal validation are person specific, but here are some general examples of internal validation:
· I am able to handle challenges;
· I love with exuberance and reckless abandon;
· I am a good cook and my food nurtures people who I love;
· I have my own unique voice;
· I contribute to the peace of others;
· I bring others joy;
· I bring myself joy;
· I am kind to myself and others;
· I love well;
· I love myself well;
· I am a productive person;
· I contribute my best self at work;
· I am a mom who is present for my child;
· I am kind.
How do I implement positive internal validation?
To make positive internal validation a habit, you have to do it – daily. The ways to implement internal validation are limited only by your imagination. A couple of ways that work well include selecting three positive messages to tell yourself before you get out of bed, again before you eat each meal, and when you climb back in bed at night. Another way to ensure you get your daily does of positive internal validation is to write down your favorite internal validation sentences and put them in a frequently used desk drawer. This will let you see them several times a day. You could create “flashcards,” writing one positive, internal validating thought on each index card. Put the index cards next to your office phone. Then shuffle through the stack while you are on hold, or participating in a conference call. Put your positive messages on sticky notes. Put one on the bathroom mirror, to read while you brush your teeth. Put another on the back of the door, as a reminder before you leave the house. Sprinkle your home and office with loving notes of positivity.
The value of positive internal validation
Each one of us, each day, gets to pick our thoughts. We can think whatever we want. We can choose to focus on positive or negative messages. Each one will have an impact on how we feel about ourselves – and how we present ourselves to others. Consistent, positive internal validation will change the way you think about yourself, your loved ones, your life. Try it for 30 days. What have you got to lose?