The Road Back to Self-Love
Self-Love – The road back
Self-love can be easy when things are going well in life. When you have enough time to sit down and treasure yourself, it’s easy to do so. The difficulty, for some people, is remembering to provide self-love in times of strife. However, this is when we need it the most.
Growth and self-exploration continue
Arabelle Yee identified and pursued her dream, women’s coach and entrepreneur, is quite successful. Yet, in an interview with Just Stay Curious, she shared that she still has ups and downs. For example, Yee and her husband decided to divorce. It was a very scary time for Yee. The divorce concept was easy for both parties, but the process was not. The division of finances and other obligations resulted in a split that left Yee with only $1500 in her bank account. Despite doing well in her business, this was a rock bottom moment for her.
She shared, “I felt that I didn’t want to do anything anymore.” Yee asked herself some important questions. “Where do I belong?” She reports a feeling of losing her identity along with the divorce. Having gone through challenges before, Yee paused and reflected on her situation. Sometimes, she shared, we have stories that run through our minds. It’s important to recognize that subconsciously we may have tapes running, and the stories may be “running us.”
The road back – steps anyone can use
To deal with her feelings of uncertainty, Yee implemented a three step process of identifying and addressing the uncertainty:
The first step to change is awareness. In other words, recognizing there is a story being told in our heads, that isn’t necessarily productive. Once the story is identified, we can choose the response we want to have to the story, and determine how to move forward. Yee discusses destructive options, such as shopping, medicating with alcohol, and other things that aren’t particularly productive. Alternatively, she says, “I could choose to respond to this situation in a way that will help me grow.”
A negative state of mind will prevent us from being our best version of ourselves. Everyone experiences this. But similarly, everyone has the ability to change this. We choose our thoughts. Once we can clearly identify the issue, we can pick thoughts that help us shift our focus from the negative to the positive.
The next step is to explore what would make one so happy each day that the distractions and destructive behavior aren’t necessary. This may take some time. You are limited only by your imagination. Your starting point for your exploration of what would make you happy may be, “Not this.” That’s okay. The key is to keep at it. Do you like being around other people? Work best alone? Continuing to identify, even in baby steps, what contributes to your overall happiness, will lead you down the path.
Third, one must do an autopsy as to what is really bothering you. This requires brutal honesty. “What is it about this. . . that is scaring me?” She points out you can’t lie to yourself. Imagine your initial answer is “I don’t like my job.” A proper autopsy requires dissecting this broad statement, and taking samples. What is it about that you don’t like about your job? The hours? The people? The endless amounts of paperwork? You should also take some time to identify what you do like about the job (health insurance, an office where you can close your door, etc.). This will help bring more clarity as you continue with your exploration step.
The steps are circular
While it’s referred to as a three step process, the key is “process.” This sort of self-care is a process, not an event. As such, you will find your awareness deepening as you explore. You will explore more as you conduct the autopsy. You will continue to grow and change during this process. Revisiting the steps is not a setback, but a vital part of your journey.
Self-love and self-care
As you become aware, explore, and autopsy, be kind to yourself. This is not a process that is designed to relive, endlessly, a bad situation. Remember that part of the key is choosing the ending you want. Focus on the positives while doing your steps. Remember, when you find yourself obsessing, to answer this question, “Can you fix it?” If the answer is “Yes,” then fix it and move on. If the answer is “No,” then stop worrying about it and move on.